When You Think About It, It's All His Fault
by HeyHiLaterBye
Summary: Kathleene is a paranoid, reclusive writer, who has only one friend. That friend manages to not only ruin her computer, but order her some Hetalia Units as well! What ever will she do? Based on LolliDictator's /est. 1995's manuals.
1. Tobias' Farewell

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, or the manuals on which this story is based on. Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya, and the manuals belong to LolliDictator/est. 1995. Enjoy!

My third attempt at a manual fic! I promise, this one's here to stay!

**-Chapter 1-**

A knock came at the door.

"Helloooo? House-keeping!" The familiar voice called through the door. Sweat was rolling down my neck, my hand already outstretched to the aluminum baseball bat sitting by my desk before I heard him.

"Jesus, Gabe! Almost scared me to death there!" I called, giving him the okay to enter.

I waited, counting the seconds before the door opened, sending a stream of bright sunlight down the long staircase to the large basement that served as my bedroom and workspace.

"Haha. It's not my fault you're paranoid." He said, coming down the stairs, holding some coffee and a McDonalds bag. I counted the number of steps he took. Eighteen, as always. Nineteen stairs, but he always jumped off the second-last one. "Jeez, you're looking as reclusive as ever. You need some sunlight."

"Nice to see you too, Gabe. I'm perfectly fine in the comfort and utter safety of this here room." I patted the desk where my computer, Tobias, was sitting.

Tobias was wheezing and sputtering, trying to cough out the next episode of Hetalia: Axis Powers for me to watch.

"What's that you got there?" Gabe asked, looking at the screen. "Aw, no. Anime. You're not one of those stupid weeaboo fans now, are you?"

"N-no, of course not. Just, research for a new story I'm writing." I said, trying to hide the fact that, really, I already had the research I needed two days ago, but I was hopelessly hooked on those five-minute episodes of hilariously inaccurate history.

"Mm-hm. Who's the client this time?"

"Judging by her grammar, and use of "desu", "-chan", "arigatou gozaimasu", "chou kawaii" and "sugoi", a spoiled 13-year-old anime fan, who's got a big wad of cash ready in exchange for a well-written lemon involving her OC and America, a rather annoying, yet popular character from this show, Hetalia." I said. "And quite honestly, it's adorable and funny and somewhat educational, and inappropriate and SO ADORABLE and FRANCE. JUST FRANCE. AND RUSSIA."

"Is it that good? Let me see." He chuckled, dragging his half-broken office chair up to my desk and plugging in his heavy-bass headphones into the headphone splitter and setting his coffee down.

Almost like magic, Tobias perked up, no longer struggling to load the video.

I sighed at the computer. "It likes you more, Gabe." He smirked, reaching into the McDonalds bag and tossing me a cold Bacon'n'Egg McMuffin. I unwrapped my breakfast, and took a bite. It was still good, cold or not.

And so we sat down to watch the video.

Gabe went to reach for his coffee, his fingertips pushing the cup of hot liquid over. The whole process of the cup falling, landing on Tobias, spilling a little and then finally the lid breaking free of the cup and letting all of its contents out replayed in my mind, over and over. Slow motion.

"Oh! Damn it!" Gabe yelled running to go get a towel.

My reaction delayed. I guess the whole moment had to take time to process before I could yell out, "NO! TOBIAS! NO! GODDAMMIT, GABE!"

Tobias' screen blanked out, then came back on, then repeated. He opened a bunch of programs then closed them. Then he opened back to the page, the one that was playing the episode of Hetalia. Gabe came rushing back, towel in hand, scrubbing the keyboard, probably in hopes that it would suck up all the coffee then it would all be fine and it would be like it never happened.

It didn't help at all.

Both my screaming at Gabe, and the fact that he was pressing random buttons. He even pulled off one.

It was hopeless. Tobias' screen, dimming, his life failing. Ending as we know it, he showed one thing.

It was a popup. One that read, in rainbow letters:

**CONGRATULATIONS!**

**You have officially ordered your shiny new HETALIA: AXIS POWERS units!**

**They will arrive in 1-2 business days.**

**Have a great day!**

Then it went all black. I stared as my lifeless computer. "Goodbye, Tobias." I whispered, feeling actual tears well up in my eyes. Maybe it was all the hard work that was now lost. Maybe it was that Tobias was always a good little computer. It didn't matter, he was gone now.

_My name is Kathleene Underwood. I am a budding author, and I am currently writing an M-rated story for a 13-year-old girl. I live in the basement of my house. I am extremely paranoid, and I have OCD for counting the steps that it takes to get down my stairwell, and the seconds it takes to open my door. My only friend is Gabriel Tell, who managed to ruin my computer Tobias and order me some "Units", whatever those are. What the hell._

_**-**_**End Chapter 1-**


	2. My Canada is Grumpy

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or the manuals. Thank you for reading!

**-Chapter 2-**

I sat nervously at my kitchen table, rocking myself back and forth. "No. No, nonononono this is bad. THIS IS VERY BAD!" My eye twitched, my aluminum baseball bat held ever so tightly in my arms.

"Jeez, Kathleene! A delivery man is coming to deliver something to your house; it's not that big of a deal!" Gabe said, as he had been saying for the last hour or so, trying to console me. "And besides, I didn't even enter anything in; they can't know your address!"

"What if, what if they sold it? Then there will be more people coming to my house! More people who will most likely want to harm me or take me or whatever! I am now more susceptible to attack! I am no longer safe locked up in my room, at my desk, silently writing M-rated stories for little chil- ASDF!" I jumped up to the ceiling at the sound of the doorbell- a sound I am no longer used to. Yes, I did say "ASDF".

Gabe sighed and got up to answer the door, taking me by the wrist with him. I shook myself free, and rushed to the door and hid behind the doorframe, ready to kill anybody with my bat if needed. Gabe opened the door, and I jumped in front of him, holding my bat as if it were a sword, up to the delivery person's face.

"What do you want?! Why are you here? Are you here to kill me? Or what?" I said to the delivery person, a redheaded boy who couldn't have been more than sixteen.

"I-I'm sorry, ma'am! I'm just here to deliver some units!" He held his hands up, showing he had no weapons.

I raised an eyebrow at the teenager. "If you step one foot in my house, I swear I will-"

"Kathreene! Stop it!" Gabe yelled at me. "You're not going to kill anybody! Not while I'm here!"

"M-ma'am… Will y-you sign here, p-please?" The teenager said timidly, handing over an electronic signing device.

Was I supposed to take hold of it? I was supposed to take hold of it. I didn't want to at all. What if it was covered in some kind of poison that seeped through my skin and into my bloodstream and caused a slow, painful death and-

Gabe sighed, taking the signing device and handing me the pen. "I know what you're thinking. You're absolutely insane, Kathleene." He handed me the pen. I looked at him. "It's not covered in anything!" He said.

I was reluctant to take hold of it, but I did and signed my signature. Gabe handed it back to the teenager, and the teenager went into the back of the truck and came out, with him a large crate. I mean a LARGE, FREAKING CRATE.

"…DA FUCK IS THAT?!" I yelled in response to the wooden box. There was another, smaller crate sitting on top of the bigger one. "What the hell is this thing holding, a human?!" The teenager stayed silent, coming to wheel the box into my house. I stared at him, as he was about to set foot on my floor. He realized what he was doing, and didn't.

"It's okay, I'll do it." Gabe sighed and brought the box into my living room. I went to the box, as Gabe went to the door and told the teenager that he could leave. I've never seen anybody move faster in my life, not even when watching track racing during the Olympics.

"Hey, Gabe?" I asked.

"Yeah?" He responded.

"How did you know exactly what I was thinking?" I said, reaching to grab the box on top of the crate, a manila envelope sliding off the top of that box.

"I'm _psychic_..." He said, holding his hands up to his head as you normally see psychic people do in movies and stuff.

"Tch." I picked up the manila envelope, and started to open it, when I paused. "What if there's a letter in here saying that I'm going to die soon or whatever's written in here written in-"

"Kathleene."

"What if it's written in poi-"

"Kathleene!"

"Okay!"

I opened the envelope, and instead of a letter announcing my near death, I pulled out a little booklet saying:

**Matthew Williams: User Guide and Manual**

"Matthew Williams… What's that? I thought these were Hetalia Units!" I opened the manual. "Congratulations, blah blah, name, Matthew Williams, will respond to… Canada?" It took a moment for it to sink in. "Canada!" I screamed, taking my bat and blowing the side off the box, completely disregarding any instructions for waking him up, if there was any.

I looked at the sleeping unit- Canada. Had my wishes and dreams come true? Maybe I hadn't exactly wished for Canada to be here, in my house but I had a Hetalia character here and it- no, _he_ was here, living, breathing I had noticed, IN MY HOUSE.

I felt awe and wonder at the possibility of this, but what I had screamed after that: "I GOT CANADA IN MY MAIL! I GOT CANADA IN. MY. MAIL!", certainly was more excited and hyper than awe and wonder-struck.

Gabe just stood there, with a WTF face as I fangirled all over my new unit. Or, my lack of a unit as he saw. I could tell when he said: "What the hell? Now I know you're truly crazy. All they gave you is an empty box!"

"B-but! Haah! This is your country and mine, how can you NOT notice him?!"

"It's an empty box, Kathleene! You're seeing things!"

We then proceeded to argue about whether or not Canada was actually there or not, until I heard a small voice, "H-hey! I was sleeping! You guys are being too loud!" I looked over at Canada, and smiled when I saw him awake. And that smile vanished when I saw that he was not amused at all.

"You know I was sleeping, right?!" He was angry, and I thought he was yelling but his voice wasn't much above normal level.

"O-okay, that's there." Gabe said, almost weirded out.

"He. He's there, Gabe." I said.

"Whatever." He picked up the manual, and flipped through it. "Well, uhm, _Canada's_ normally supposed to be nice and whatever." He said, reading a bit more. "Apparently there are ways to wake him up with him being all nice, and we didn't do any of them, I think… Nope."

"Damn." I replied.

Thinking quickly, but not very smartly I pushed Canada back into the box yelling at him to go back to sleep so we could wake him up properly, to which he yelled-talked saying to leave him alone until I could finally push the side of the box back up and trap him inside.

After a couple of minutes, he said that he couldn't sleep.

I let him out, and he woke the Kumajiro unit up, too. But all he did was stare at Kumajiro from one side of the kitchen table.

"H-hey… Canada… You know, you can go choose a room, right?" I said.

He just looked at me and Gabe, picked up Kumajiro and went upstairs. He didn't come down for a while.

"How are we going to fix this?" I asked. "I don't want a grumpy Canada!"

"Well, there is a number at the back of the manual we could call… Of course, if that actually IS Canada." He flashed a white grin, obviously messing with me. I had completely forgot about the fact that this couldn't be Canada, just some crazy person who looked like Canada who was working for people that wanted to kill me…

"If he IS Canada… You call the number! If it's legit, he's Canada!" I pushed a phone into his hands and hid behind his back, peeking over his shoulder as he dialed the number.

After a while, he pressed the 1 button. "They're directing me to an operator." He said. "Ah- wait for a moment."

"Hello?- Ah, hi."

…

"Well, um, it's not my unit but the person who's unit they are is a scared little bitch and dosen't want to call herself."

"Gabe!" I sure wasn't telling him that that was exactly the reason why.

"It's a Canada unit." He said to the operator.

"He, Gabe! He!" I spat out the words.

"Um, well, we accidentally woke the unit up, and not following any of the ways said in the manual, either."

…

"Yeah?"

…

"He was complaining that he was sleeping and we woke him up."

…

"Okay, okay." He nodded as he said the words.

…

"Okay, good. Thank you so much, ma'am. Bye." He said and hung up.

"Well?" I asked.

"Well, they said that Canada probably went upstairs to get some more sleep, they said that we should wait an hour before waking him up using a proper method."

I sighed and looked at the clock. It was noon, and I was hungry. Surprising how fast 3 hours can pass.

"Gaabe~" I said, in a pleading voice.

"What?" He responded.

"Make me a sammich."

"Screw you." He said, but got up anyways.

I put my feet up on the bars that crossed in-between the legs of my table.

My life would get even more stressful from here on.

But, of course I didn't know that, so I just sat back and ate the sandwich that Gabe brought for me.

**-End Chapter 2-**


End file.
